How does a parent get their child involved in church?

First and foremost the parent has to model the behavior that they want their child to adopt. If you want her in church consistently then you have to be in church consistently. This will show them that it is serious to the parent and that it is more than an extra activity but a part of the way of life.

Secondly, you must be find a church that is supportive of the values and goals that you want for your child to absorb and commit yourself to that church and that church alone for a substantial duration of time, in your specific case I would say the remainder of her High School career. Children of all ages need consistency and in this world it seems that everything in their life changes so fast they can’t count on anything. When the church becomes a constant they are more likely to latch to it.

Thirdly a teen is going to be drawn where their friends are. If the youth group does not have anyone in it that the teen can or will connect with then they will feel isolated and alone and not want to go.

Fourth, it is important for any parent to realize that the principle influence in a child’s life will always be the parent. In turn that means that the one who must be discipling the child in Christ is the parent as well and that the youth minister and youth group are only there to support and enhance what the parent is already doing, which is why number one is so important.

Finally there as to be some lines drawn. If the previous four statements are applied first then this is an easier task. Not to say that it is at all easy but if placed first in the list it is almost impossible. The parent is the parent and makes the decisions if the parent decides that the family is going to start attending and participating in church then that is the rule and is enforced. Many times parents will tell me they don’t want to force their kids to come to church because they are afraid it will turn them off to religion. But the fact is that we force our children to do many other things and yet never consider to apply that principle. They go to school, eat their supper, go to the doctor, go to bed, have a curfew, etc etc etc. Again when the previous four are applied this becomes easier.

I write this today because of the recent announcement and ensuing controversy that the was caused when SBC president Bryant Wright  commissioned a task force to research a  possible name change. And another blog post from SBCVoices .com found here about doing  away with state conventions.

The point is not to scrap things altogether but I find it interesting that the outcry is so loud against just the exploration of ways to make things simpler and more effective. Simpler and more effective means more people reached with greater ease. I see churches giving loads of money away in their budget to programs that are meant to spread the gospel but are really just propping up a growing corporation that is getting fatter and fatter in a world that is growing further and further from God.

I don’t want to deny the SBC does some great things just want to suggest that there is always room for improvement and there is always fat that can be cut.

There has been one area, however, that has always escaped us and that is the area of Sunday evenings. We have tried a variety of different lesson plans group divisions and activities but could never get more than a few students involved.  Then this past spring a student saw a book in my office that hand been on my shelf for almost ten years. The book was entitled “Why So Many Gods”. You may have heard of it or you may not have. It is a book written for teens in a reference type format. It details the distinctions of various world religions and cults and contrasts them to Christianity. When the student saw the book they expressed a desire to be taught about what other people believe and how to talk to them about Jesus.  Upon hearing this I gave a half-hearted agreement and promise to teach it on Sunday evenings. We advertised for about a month and after a couple of delays in our start date began the series 4 weeks ago. Now while for weeks is not long enough to give an accurate assessment of the class it is worth noting what has happened.

The day I began the series I had several youth show up that NEVER came to anything else we were doing beyond Sunday School and Wednesday nights if we were lucky to see them then. Still class size was below ten in attendance and so I expected that it would be the typical response to everything else I had done on Sunday nights.  I was wrong.  Each week we have seen more and more students attending to the point where we have had to add chairs in the room we were meeting in. I have been both amazed and thrilled.

If attendance was the only marker I would only put moderate weight on the growth. Knowing that as school starts we would see a cycle of kids dropping off and out to handle homework and get ready for the school week. But there is something else going on.  The interaction of the students is remarkable.  I have fielded questions from everything from Church History and the formation of our Bible to angelology and demonology.  Our students have shown week in and week 0ut that they are hungry to know more than just the Bible stories but to know the inner workings and deep reasonings of our faith.  This hasn’t surprised me but has caught me off guard and I have felt ill prepared to handle the questions.

What does all this mean?

Evidence is mounting that gives us concrete proof that it is time to take off the kid’s gloves with the people of God within the church and teach them and lead them in the study of doctrine. Many church leaders skirt teaching Church History or Systematic Theology for fear that people will find it boring or worthless. Seemingly the sentiment is that it is only important that pastors know and understand this information. But the truth is that if we teach it and prepare it in a way that is interesting and speaks to the curiosity of our people that we will find that they consume it in the way a starving beggar consumes a small scrap of food.

It has been said, and I do not know by whom, that if a teenager can understand  and be taught Algebra , Geometry and Physics then the can handle the teaching of Theology within the church context. It is our responsibility as their church leaders to feed them and when they wander away starving the blame will and should fall on our heads.

Does anyone else see a problem developing

Most recently this claim has been the forefront argument of the homosexual/ gay rights movement. We have even seen entire denominations of Christian churches move towards the legitimatizing of the homosexual lifestyle. As this happens inevitably we hear the “born this way” or “God made me this way” argument.

But where does it end

What about hoarders? They can’t control their urges. We condemn their homes and take their children and make TV shows that profit off of their embarrassment. If they were born this way why can’t they be left to live how they would like? The TV shows have shown even small children with tendencies of hoarding. Who are we to judge?

What about murderers? What if there are some that cannot control their urges? They have no moral balance and thus cannot stop from killing. Should they not be excused from any punishment maybe given refuge in a place where they can live and unleash their brutality?

What about pedophiles? They claim they cannot control their feelings. Why do they receive such harsh criticism? Isn’t it unfair to treat them so harshly?

DUH!!!

All of those are ridiculous arguments! Why because every one of those things is wrong and we have accepted them to be wrong and we understand why they are wrong! We were made by the Creator God our Lord to be a reflection of His Glory. Sin has screwed us up! Not God  not the moon or the stars or any other thing but sin! We cannot think that just because we cannot overcome something within ourself that it is God’s will for us  Romans 8:24 -26a

²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness”

If we could control ourselves why would we need God’s grace? If we were able to perfect ourselves what need for the sacrifice of Christ? We need to watch our blasphemy of God’s name and His work.  Following Him is not easy that is why we need Him. It hurts. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually it hurts. But in the end…..it is worth it.

I have seen this occur in my blog reading and commenting time and time again. An author will post their views and then anyone who opposes them gets trashed and demeaned.  That is not good.  I believe that every person has room to be wrong and that every person is at least partly wrong in their positions. Why? Because everyone is imperfect. Opinions are not facts and are not based on facts. Sure someone will quote facts but what they are really spouting is their interpretation of the facts. Everyone should recognize that they have some room to be corrected and grow and be stretched and at the very least take an opposing view and chew on it.

Sometimes bloggers have really healthy interaction with their commenters and when they do it is beautiful. As a church staff person I have always wondered what it would be like to work in a environment where sharing differences  on non-essential theology and methodology was not only allowed but encouraged.  Too many times I have seen senior pastors either force their staff to agree with them or push them out when their was disagreement. Worse yet I have seen senior pastors completely avoid issues so that they will not get into a deep discussion.

Now don’t get me wrong a public disagreement between staff can be divisive…… but maybe…… what if we modeled it in a Christian way?

What if instead of shutting down or fighting we sought to understand the other side through a different perspective. Not agreeing with the other side but trying to understand the path that got them there so that we can understand the foundation before we judge the conclusion. And all the while we are not bashing or trashing people because they don’t think like us.

And do not  misunderstand me to be saying truth is relative and that what one person believes is ok for them and not for me and we just need to accept. Believe me I believe what I believe and if I think you are wrong I think you are wrong but I want to know why you have arrived at the belief that directly opposes mine. I do not want to write you off.

Now consider the impact. I minister in a community with a very diverse group people and pastors.  I have church members and other pastors in the community that are Republicans and I have church members and other pastors in the same community that are Democrats. Now we all know how confrontational these two sides can get. But can we say that as Christians we handle our differences any different? One church uses traditional music and one church uses modern “rock” worship and the leaders post blogs essentially damning the other church’s actions. I could go on and on with examples. No wonder people act with such selfishness an hate when the ones who are to love do not model love.

Maybe if we could begin to see where our opposition was right we could work towards a understanding of  how to work through and around what we are doing wrong.

Let me first say I appreciate what you are saying and you make a very good point. However, as is typical with the popular current trend of finger pointing and criticism, it seems that you have fallen into the trap of getting worked up over someone taking something that was already being done and just doing it bigger and gaining more attention for it than any of the other churches and pastors that have done it before.

This holds true for theology as well as methodology.

How many preachers water down the gospel? We don’t call them out by name but if one becomes successful and writes a book that becomes popular suddenly we jump all over it forgetting the fact that there have been far more preachers doing far more harm preaching the same message for much longer than our current target has been around.

We want to call out bribes? Why? Because suddenly there is a church that is giving big items and grabbing headlines. But what about the previous decades when the church has offered ANYTHING free in order to entice the community to be involved with their programs? That would include youth Pizza parties, Easter egg Hunts, Trunk or Treat, Fall Festival, Sports Leagues, and the list goes on. Where were the bloggers on the soapbox then? In my mind there is NO difference. Free stuff is free stuff no matter how you spin it. These churches just realize that they need to offer stuff people actually WANT. And, do not misunderstand I am not saying it is right or wrong. That is not my point. My point is simple, Where were the bloggers on the soapbox then?

You see the roots of whatever we are criticizing usually go deeper than we like to admit and we get our feathers ruffled when someone takes it further than we would like. Sometimes I wonder, not saying this is the case with you at all by the way, if we try to poke holes because we are jealous in some way. Jealous that we did not have the idea, jealous that we are not privy to the same attention, jealous that we cannot afford to do the same, or even jealous that we did not have the faith to make a similar bold leap.

Ultimately we have to start with the underlying problem rather than dealing with than trying to treat the outcome. If I have a rash that itches and I only deal with it by applying anti-itch cream when it flares up but don’t deal with what is causing the rash then I am really only covering up the problem and not dealing with it directly. Sometimes dealing with it directly hurts and is uncomfortable but until it is addressed it will not go away.

I really feel passionate about this.  I grow weary of all the finger pointing and name calling and criticism when there is so much more to be dealt with beneath the surface that no one seems to care about.

UPDATE-  Allow me to clarify that I am not accusing this author of finger pointing rather I am referring to a string of bloggers and authors that call out popular pastors of big churches out  by name because of their actions without looking critically (in a good sense of the word) at what might have possibly led to the causes of their actions.

1 I get what happened. I understand it. No confusion here. I know what happened on the island was real that the other plane escaped and they lived at least a decent amount of time to have Kate really missing Jack and that Hugo and Ben watched over the island for a good amount of time to form a bond. I also understand that the flash sideways existed outside of time and was created when the last of the group died.

2. I saw Jack dying and Hurley being the true candidate last week. It was a gut feeling and while I hated to see Jack die I was ok with it

3. What really disappointed me was that the writers went some where that  I never thought they would go.  This show had me for a couple of reasons a0 unexplained phenomenon and fringe scientific theory. The time travel and alternate realities really had my juices flowing. And I fully expected the series to sum up in that way. Instead what we learned was that while we were led to believe that the explosion at the Beginning of the Final Season somehow splintered time and reality, it did not. For the whole season we have been wondering about this alternate reality and how it would merge and what changed as a result of the islands destruction and what we found out was that we were duped because none of what was going on in that timeline was real.  The finality of the characters ruined the show for me because the show WAS the characters. I was less concerned about the answers of the island as I was about the angst of the characters and what we have now is only a few that remained alive and then when they died they all reunite in a dream world. It was all very sappy and predictable to me. I have come to expect more twists and turns cliffhangers and wow moments from the writers and this was a “come on!” moment.  To be honest I don’t care what happened after they died. I don’t care if they moved on to a higher spiritual plane. I think they over reached.

4. What I did like. The defeat of the smoke monster, the redemption of Ben, The final scene with the eye of Jack closing in the same place where he opened his eyes in the pilot, The return of Bernard and Rose. and the salvation of Claire.

5 What I would have liked to see instead.  The alternative reality actually been reality, then the characters could move on in reality with the knowledge of what happened on the island and been full and complete people in their new lives Or all the characters die on the island only to be replaced by their alternate reality selves

6. Other options I would have accepted easier. A time loop created where the characters are doomed to repeat the cycle over and over for eternity or the characters being teleported back to the beginning of the island and being the ones that built the temple.

I was left feeling cheated and let down. It ended to easy and to sweet and too “perfect” for what I felt Lost was all about. I know others see it differently and disagree with me but art’s value is in the eye of the one observing and in this eye it was lack-luster

But I am not the only one Check these articles out as well

http://io9.com/5545911/lost-was-the-ultimate-long-con

http://tv.gawker.com/5546274/the-polarizing-lost-finale-cop-out-or-redemption-song

I have been pondering this issue of envy for a while. I will be honest it isn’t because I recognize it in people around me and think that they need to hear about it is because I personally am a very envious person.

Oops…. I just admitted I am a sinner.   Now I will be in hot water.

Seriously though, as a young minister with a heart on fire for God and a desire to be more than the status quo I find myself envying other ministers and ministries all the time.  And I hate that part of me. In my heart there is a delicate balance between wanting to do all I can for the Kingdom and wanting to be like so and so minister at super church across town.

James 3:14-16 says this

¹⁴But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. ¹⁵Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. ¹⁶For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

There are two distinct things that we as leaders have to face.

1. Envy
2. Selfish Ambition

OUCH!!! I have already discussed the Envy part a little bit but you throw the selfish ambition in and it is like twisting the knife.

Envy presents two problems

1. It is disfavor with God’s favor on others
   1. When we take the position of envying someone for any reason it is immediately questioning God’s favor on that person. While it may be indirect the statement that we are making is that whoever we are envying is not deserving or is less deserving than we are. We may make comments like “it’s not fair” or “that could/should be me” etc.
2. It is displeasure with what God has given to us
   1. Whatever situation we find ourselves in and  in whatever state of life it may be , we must hold onto the fact that God has placed us there to be stewards of what He has given us.  Our displeasure is the equivalent of shaking our fist at our Lord and saying that He does not know what is best. DANGEROUS place to be to say the least.

Envy itself presents itself in several forms.

1. Relational Envy- When you envy someone’s relationships and the qualities they seemingly have.
2. Material Envy- When you envy someone’s material possessions
3. Physical Envy- When you envy someone’s physical appearance.
4. Developmental Envy- When you envy someone’s advancement in life.
5. Skill Envy- When you envy someone’s ability to do something or do something better than you can

I had never thought about these but when I really started delving into this issue it cut me deep.

Relational envy can destroy friendships and marriages. I causes drama period, ever known a person to try to get between two friends….that is relational envy.

Material envy is probably the most well known and thought of. It consumes people and their time. It is why we have so many workaholics.

Physical Envy is what the fashion industry is built on. But we can take that further, do you think the makers of P90x and Insanity SlimFast and any fat burner at GNC are really interested in your health. NO!! They are preying on your physical envy

Developmental envy is my failure.  But it goes deeper. A kid who can’t wait to be 16 or an adult wishing he could be a kid again. Or a minister wishing he could be in a church that was really reaching people and experienced the freedom to do ministry apart from church politics

Skill envy pulls us into comparing ourselves to everyone else.. You will never and I mean NEVER  be the best… the minute you are someone comes along and is better. You need to deal with it.  Accept the skills God has given you give them over to Him and develop them for HIS glory.

Envy is destructive. Look at Cain and Able, Joseph and his brothers, Judas, the Pharisees and Jesus, all examples of envy invading the heart and causing great sin to follow.

Bottom line we have got to stop comparing ourselves to everyone else and move on with what God has place before us. Envy can accomplish no good and James tells us that it is directly opposed to anything of God. It is earthly not heavenly, unspiritual not spiritual, and of the devil not of God. According to 2 Timothy 2:22 we are to flee evil and so we should run as far away from envy as we can.

Search your heart…..what is God telling you/

First let me say personally that I believe it was way over the line.  It is one thing to refute a claims validity or a persons integrity but when you get personal I think you need to take a step back.  But as we do with so many things we cannot just look at a sliver of the pie and get the whole story.

1. Perry is brash that is what makes him successful as a preacher, he tackles things in a very open way and speaks his mind and people like that. With that type of personality comes slip ups.  Just as with an adrenaline junkie there will be broken bones.

2. Perry has been under constant fire for a long time. Eventually that takes its toll and the thick skin is broken. I think that is what I saw and heard Thursday

3. Someone made the statement that it ruined the whole message. Listen if one sin in a persons life can ruin the message then you are either idolizing a man and are dismayed because he isn’t perfect or you are looking for imperfection so as to not have to listen. Truth is truth and there is no way around it

4.  No blogger or stranger is going to call Perry out and get him to apologize or change.  He is a pastor of a HUGE church and every DAY there are probably HUNDREDS of complaints that their church has to field. What has to happen is that someone in a position of trust needs to say something OR God needs to convict.  All of us on the outside looking in simply need to pray for one of those two things to happen

5. Just to let you know, Perry is human…… Just saying

6. I don’t know a pastor that doesn’t struggle with sin. Some just do a better job of keeping it hidden. Perry is Perry and at least you know where he stands

Those are my thoughts.  After ministering in churches over the last ten years I have seen a lot and I can honestly say that the good always comes with bad. It never changes.  I will continue to thank God for churches like NewSpring and pray that their leadership will stay close to Him.

Finally I doubt that Pastor Perry will EVER find this hole in the wall blog but if he does let me say this:

Pastor I am one insignificant blogger that sees you as a great man of God still growing and maturing in your faith, something that we all continue to do.While I don’t always agree with you I definitely support you and admire you. Thanks for being obedient and for influencing a generation of believers and pastors.  Keep up the good work and know that there are bloggers out there that won’t rip you to shreds.

Well that wraps up my thoughts on Unleash I have a lot to process and will be chewing on these things for a while.