How does a parent get their child involved in church?

First and foremost the parent has to model the behavior that they want their child to adopt. If you want her in church consistently then you have to be in church consistently. This will show them that it is serious to the parent and that it is more than an extra activity but a part of the way of life.

Secondly, you must be find a church that is supportive of the values and goals that you want for your child to absorb and commit yourself to that church and that church alone for a substantial duration of time, in your specific case I would say the remainder of her High School career. Children of all ages need consistency and in this world it seems that everything in their life changes so fast they can’t count on anything. When the church becomes a constant they are more likely to latch to it.

Thirdly a teen is going to be drawn where their friends are. If the youth group does not have anyone in it that the teen can or will connect with then they will feel isolated and alone and not want to go.

Fourth, it is important for any parent to realize that the principle influence in a child’s life will always be the parent. In turn that means that the one who must be discipling the child in Christ is the parent as well and that the youth minister and youth group are only there to support and enhance what the parent is already doing, which is why number one is so important.

Finally there as to be some lines drawn. If the previous four statements are applied first then this is an easier task. Not to say that it is at all easy but if placed first in the list it is almost impossible. The parent is the parent and makes the decisions if the parent decides that the family is going to start attending and participating in church then that is the rule and is enforced. Many times parents will tell me they don’t want to force their kids to come to church because they are afraid it will turn them off to religion. But the fact is that we force our children to do many other things and yet never consider to apply that principle. They go to school, eat their supper, go to the doctor, go to bed, have a curfew, etc etc etc. Again when the previous four are applied this becomes easier.

I talked in my last post about the right kinds of relationships that Jesus formed and how we can make the wrong relationships for the wrong reasons. While those relationships are not evil they are certainly more edifying to our self than to the Kingdom.

In my ministry obviously I want to build relationships with all students and all parents but that blanket approach yields minimal results and impact.  I want to be strategic and smart about the time I am pouring into a students life so as to multiply the kingdom. With that in mind let me address the types of students I have encounter and the types of relationships I build. I want to talk about the least critical and move into the most critical.

-The strong Christian student with two godly parents- I have several of these in my group and they are all precious to me and my relationship focus with them is to empower them to continue on the path to godliness and to encourage them to stand out as leaders. I intentionally spend the least time with these students( least doesn’t mean none) because I have confidence in them.

-The strong Christian student from a broken home but with at least one godly parent-  These require a little more time and energy than the previous because they are dealing with hard questions and deep hurt. However, they have a good background to hold them accountable and help them deal with issues. My time is spent as an outlet for these students to deal and vent their pain and anguish but at the same time I am pushing them to keep their pain from deterring them from their walk.  I find ways for them to further their walk by encouraging them to develop themselves as leaders and servants

-The student with troubles at home- Sadly, this is a very common student. This student is one you will lose quickly if you do not invest. They are in church but they are being distracted by problems and because of their spiritual immaturity they are struggling handling those issues. It does not matter the number of parents at home or if the parents are involved in church this student has made a profession, is attending regularly and is involved with your programming but is teetering on the edge.

-The student with post Christian parents- These Students have a good home and their parents have strong values and were raised in the church but to them the church is just an option and is blown off in favor of other activities. These students are the hardest to spend time with because they are never around but you know that without reaching them they will likely grow up to and never go to church because they see no need. Sometimes however you will have a student that breaks the mold within the family and desires to be at church and is being used by God. These kids need your time!! Do not waste any opportunity to share with them and develop your relationship with them.

- The  student in a broken home with no parents involved in church- I will stop short of saying no “godly” parent but if parents are not in church it does not bode well for their spiritual growth. What you see from these students is sporadic attendance and lackadaisical commitment to the ministry because their is no reinforcement at home to attend church.

-The male student with an absent/abusive father- These next two break my heart. A young man needs a positive role model in his life and he longs to receive love and acceptance from his father but when that father is not present or is abusive a whole host of issues presents themselves. Self esteem, rebellious behavior, anger, lashing out, lack of motivation etc. all rear their ugly heads in this situation I try my best to be there for these guys spend time with them encourage them do things with them that their dads should be doing with them. Ultimately becoming that role model that the student so desperately needs.

-The female student with and absent/abusive father- This is the most dangerous and hardest relationship to cultivate and navigate. Girls need their daddies and with out them they become self destructive.  They long for the affection that their dads owe them and when it is not available their self esteem and self worth bottoms out.  After they lose their worth they become free game for any man who gives them faux affection. This leads to multiple sexual partners at an early age and further damage to their self worth. These girls are in our youth groups and many times very active and that is where the danger begins.  Many times that same need for affection leads to an infatuation with a youth leader or youth pastor and attempts at cultivating a relationship is misconstrued. This is trouble for all parties involved and can ruin a youth workers life and career. Be very careful with this relationship. The best approach is a team approach typically with the youth pastor AND his wife together investing in that student helping to build confidence and understanding and helping them find their worth in Christ.

This is a lot of information and I could probably write twice as much but this is my approach. Do you differ do you change it up? Do you reverse it? I am interested in hearing your thoughts.

So what is the solution? First, leadership must ask themselves “WHY”. Several weeks ago I sensed that things were declining in youth group on Wednesday nights and I had to take a tough look at what I was doing. I had to be critical of myself and it hurt. I had to make changes to things that I had all planned out and was quite satisfied with but I knew it had to change. We too need to take that same look churchwide whether it be in youth or children’s ministry or in our worship service or any other ministry we must ask the tough questions. Second we need to encourage our families to be here. Note the wording there is encourage and not scold. Fussing and fuming and condemnation will not bring people back into our fold only love, care and concern will. Thirdly if you are a young family reading this YOU need to be here. There is nothing more important than your commitment to God and His church and allowing yourself to drift into the apathy of casual church attendance will do nothing but harm to your relationship with God. I understand that the world is enticing you with all the wonders of what it has to offer but there comes a time when you have to make the decision that God is most important above all and that time is now.

This is an incredible story. How many pastors today are doing things in their church out of selfishness and pride. How many have overlooked what is pleasing to God at the cost of His church. What about plain old Christians. I know so many people who have blamed God for their children’s death when in all actuality if their child had been living a life that was acceptable to God more than likely they would not have been in the situations that led to their death.  Could we show total acceptance of God’s will in those situations. It makes me wonder and pause to evaluate where I am at in my walk with our Lord. 

I like Moses’ summation of these events.  In short Moses reminded Aaron that God had said to never disregard His commands.  That was the command and the warning. God had a one and done policy. I am thankful that when I screw up I receive grace. How about you?

It is bittersweet to arrive at this point my firstborn are no longer babies or tots they are children , growing smarter and more adventurous every day. I miss them being little I do not miss them having temper tantrums. I love them with all my heart and pray for them every day. I wonder what they will become I hope that they will make great choices. I wan to hold them here in this moment for forever….but alas I cannot.

Kelsey and Isaac I love you and Happy Birthday!!