HELP!! I WANT MY KIDS IN CHURCH!!
I get asked this a lot and was telling someone just today what my standard answer to that question would be. So I thought it would make a good blog post. So here it is
How does a parent get their child involved in church?
First and foremost the parent has to model the behavior that they want their child to adopt. If you want her in church consistently then you have to be in church consistently. This will show them that it is serious to the parent and that it is more than an extra activity but a part of the way of life.
Secondly, you must be find a church that is supportive of the values and goals that you want for your child to absorb and commit yourself to that church and that church alone for a substantial duration of time, in your specific case I would say the remainder of her High School career. Children of all ages need consistency and in this world it seems that everything in their life changes so fast they can’t count on anything. When the church becomes a constant they are more likely to latch to it.
Thirdly a teen is going to be drawn where their friends are. If the youth group does not have anyone in it that the teen can or will connect with then they will feel isolated and alone and not want to go.
Fourth, it is important for any parent to realize that the principle influence in a child’s life will always be the parent. In turn that means that the one who must be discipling the child in Christ is the parent as well and that the youth minister and youth group are only there to support and enhance what the parent is already doing, which is why number one is so important.
Finally there as to be some lines drawn. If the previous four statements are applied first then this is an easier task. Not to say that it is at all easy but if placed first in the list it is almost impossible. The parent is the parent and makes the decisions if the parent decides that the family is going to start attending and participating in church then that is the rule and is enforced. Many times parents will tell me they don’t want to force their kids to come to church because they are afraid it will turn them off to religion. But the fact is that we force our children to do many other things and yet never consider to apply that principle. They go to school, eat their supper, go to the doctor, go to bed, have a curfew, etc etc etc. Again when the previous four are applied this becomes easier.
The Southern Baptist Convention and Me
I am a generational Southern Baptist. My grandfather was a Southern Baptist preacher in a rural community my father was a chaplain for NAMB. My mom served in several SBC churches as I was growing up and still does now. I even was awarded a scholarship to a state camp when i wrote an essay on the Cooperative Program. As I have grown older, however, I have fallen more in love with the theology of the SBC and out of love with the organization of it. There are great aspects to it don’t get me wrong and I don’t understand nor am I involved nearly enough to be a true critic of it but I feel the same way about it as I do about the US government. It is big complicated and wasteful in many areas. again this is purely from an outsiders perspective but I have seen how some things work and realize that a lot of time, energy and money go into pointless meetings and discussions and administrative red tape rather than real ministry.
I write this today because of the recent announcement and ensuing controversy that the was caused when SBC president Bryant Wright commissioned a task force to research a possible name change. And another blog post from SBCVoices .com found here about doing away with state conventions.
The point is not to scrap things altogether but I find it interesting that the outcry is so loud against just the exploration of ways to make things simpler and more effective. Simpler and more effective means more people reached with greater ease. I see churches giving loads of money away in their budget to programs that are meant to spread the gospel but are really just propping up a growing corporation that is getting fatter and fatter in a world that is growing further and further from God.
I don’t want to deny the SBC does some great things just want to suggest that there is always room for improvement and there is always fat that can be cut.
There is a Hunger
I have been in my church for going on four years now and since the day I got here one of my goals has been how to grow attendance and involvement. Now there have been programs and gimmicks and silly ideas and serious ideas. And we have had some great successes and some failures. Wednesday night Youth worship has been a great success and we have had on and off success with our Friday night “Unleashed” outreach and both these things are good. We have come to a point with our Sunday School after experimenting for a few years where we are now solid. There is still room to grow in all these areas but the progress is there.
There has been one area, however, that has always escaped us and that is the area of Sunday evenings. We have tried a variety of different lesson plans group divisions and activities but could never get more than a few students involved. Then this past spring a student saw a book in my office that hand been on my shelf for almost ten years. The book was entitled “Why So Many Gods”. You may have heard of it or you may not have. It is a book written for teens in a reference type format. It details the distinctions of various world religions and cults and contrasts them to Christianity. When the student saw the book they expressed a desire to be taught about what other people believe and how to talk to them about Jesus. Upon hearing this I gave a half-hearted agreement and promise to teach it on Sunday evenings. We advertised for about a month and after a couple of delays in our start date began the series 4 weeks ago. Now while for weeks is not long enough to give an accurate assessment of the class it is worth noting what has happened.
The day I began the series I had several youth show up that NEVER came to anything else we were doing beyond Sunday School and Wednesday nights if we were lucky to see them then. Still class size was below ten in attendance and so I expected that it would be the typical response to everything else I had done on Sunday nights. I was wrong. Each week we have seen more and more students attending to the point where we have had to add chairs in the room we were meeting in. I have been both amazed and thrilled.
If attendance was the only marker I would only put moderate weight on the growth. Knowing that as school starts we would see a cycle of kids dropping off and out to handle homework and get ready for the school week. But there is something else going on. The interaction of the students is remarkable. I have fielded questions from everything from Church History and the formation of our Bible to angelology and demonology. Our students have shown week in and week 0ut that they are hungry to know more than just the Bible stories but to know the inner workings and deep reasonings of our faith. This hasn’t surprised me but has caught me off guard and I have felt ill prepared to handle the questions.
What does all this mean?
Evidence is mounting that gives us concrete proof that it is time to take off the kid’s gloves with the people of God within the church and teach them and lead them in the study of doctrine. Many church leaders skirt teaching Church History or Systematic Theology for fear that people will find it boring or worthless. Seemingly the sentiment is that it is only important that pastors know and understand this information. But the truth is that if we teach it and prepare it in a way that is interesting and speaks to the curiosity of our people that we will find that they consume it in the way a starving beggar consumes a small scrap of food.
It has been said, and I do not know by whom, that if a teenager can understand and be taught Algebra , Geometry and Physics then the can handle the teaching of Theology within the church context. It is our responsibility as their church leaders to feed them and when they wander away starving the blame will and should fall on our heads.
Not Ashamed
WARNING!! : This post is directed towards the students involved at Reedy Fork Baptist Church and any other teenagers that might be reading
So it is finally here, at least it will be here tomorrow. The beginning of the next school year. As summers go this one was pretty good. Our youth ministry had some great things happen over the summer. We had some great memories and made some important decisions. We will look back on this summer as being pretty great. But what now? Will we forget about those times? Will we box them up an save these past three months of memories for ourselves and those who experienced them with us? Or will we walk boldly into school and let everyone know how awesome our summer was?
I have already had one student tell me that they never told people that didn’t go to our church that they were going to church. It made me think. As I thought about it I had a question come to mind so I tweeted it.
? of the day: Are you ashamed to tell people you are a Christian because of what they might think of you OR what they might expect of you?
It is a question we all need to answer. If we aren’t telling people about our involvement with church then we are probably not telling people about our relationship with Christ. So I thought some more and remembered a verse. So I tweeted it.
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, Romans 1:16a
Paul understood the power of the cross and the importance of Christ. He was not ashamed of it, quite the opposite he was proud of it. Paul was bold and excited about his experience and he set the world on fire for God.
As you go back to school the only thing that is holding you back from making an impact is yourself and your priorities. I can promise you being a bold Christian is tough but it is not nearly as bad as it sounds. God didn’t call us to be jumping up on tables at school and preaching a sermon.
But what he did call us to do is to love Him and to acknowledge Him. When you are asked, tell your friends that you spent a lot of time with your church youth group this summer. Tell them you learned a lot about yourself and God and feel closer to Him. Tell them that it made such a difference in your life that they should come check out your youth group. Maybe it is Wednesday night or Sunday Morning or a 5th Quarter it doesn’t matter tell them and stop denying Him.
The power to reach your friends does not lie within your youth pastor or Sunday School teachers or Pastor. The power to reach your friends has been given to you. Don’t be weird about it. Let it come naturally allow the Spirit to open those doors. You should go to school everyday asking God to give you a chance to tell others about Him. But be ready, if you ask He will provide and don’t think He won’t.
I believe that we stand on the edge of something really great in our community. God wants to use you. Will you let Him?
What was I saying?
What was I saying? Where was I? Ummm. Those are common phrases for me in the course of a day. No matter how important my activity I always got lost or off track. I would always joke “It is my ADHD” but even though I said I was ADHD I never did anything about it. One of the reasons for that was that I had attached a stigma to the disorder and the medication to treat the disorder. As far as I was concerned I had made it this far with no medication I didn’t need it.
The senior classes started….
Large amounts of reading and writing were insurmountable tasks. I got worried …really worried.
I began researching ADHD and I discovered just how wrong I had been and as I read up on symptoms and took tests I realized just how wrong I had been about this disorder. There were three areas that I recognized in myself that I never associated with ADHD. Like many people I assumed that ADHD meant I could’t sit still or pay attention but it is so much more than that. Here are the three factors that pushed me over the edge.
Sleeplessness- I have struggled for years to go to sleep. As my head hits the pillow my mind floods with all the things that are going on in the week and all the problems I can not figure out how to solve. Turns out this is a hyperactivity symptom and is fairly common.
Impulsivity- Regardless of if it was shopping or acting on a decision I see I want or like I react and go all in.
Stubbornness- The most common criticism I get from most people is I am stubborn. Apparently it is a symptom. But the thing about this symptom is not that people with ADHD are jerks and inconsiderate but rather they see a problem think through it and arrive at a conclusion and they move towards it. It is thta they don’t care but their minds have locked in on an idea and they can’t be easily swayed.
After learning all this I made an appointment with the doctor. After two months on Adderall I notice a marked difference and benefits.
Later this week I will post some thoughts on the benefits
Born This Way
This phrase “born this way” has been used as a justification for many things through the years. Mostly those people who have a part of themselves that they cannot control and that normal society would deem deviant love to unfurl the flag of their helplessness with the reasoning that they were just born the way they are and cannot be expected to change their ways to conform to the societal norm. The next step, for some in the religious community, is to translate this claim into religious rhetoric and explain to the world that it is God who has made these individuals the way we are and that we as humans have no right to judge God’s will.
Does anyone else see a problem developing
Most recently this claim has been the forefront argument of the homosexual/ gay rights movement. We have even seen entire denominations of Christian churches move towards the legitimatizing of the homosexual lifestyle. As this happens inevitably we hear the “born this way” or “God made me this way” argument.
But where does it end
What about hoarders? They can’t control their urges. We condemn their homes and take their children and make TV shows that profit off of their embarrassment. If they were born this way why can’t they be left to live how they would like? The TV shows have shown even small children with tendencies of hoarding. Who are we to judge?
What about murderers? What if there are some that cannot control their urges? They have no moral balance and thus cannot stop from killing. Should they not be excused from any punishment maybe given refuge in a place where they can live and unleash their brutality?
What about pedophiles? They claim they cannot control their feelings. Why do they receive such harsh criticism? Isn’t it unfair to treat them so harshly?
DUH!!!
All of those are ridiculous arguments! Why because every one of those things is wrong and we have accepted them to be wrong and we understand why they are wrong! We were made by the Creator God our Lord to be a reflection of His Glory. Sin has screwed us up! Not God not the moon or the stars or any other thing but sin! We cannot think that just because we cannot overcome something within ourself that it is God’s will for us Romans 8:24 -26a
24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness”
If we could control ourselves why would we need God’s grace? If we were able to perfect ourselves what need for the sacrifice of Christ? We need to watch our blasphemy of God’s name and His work. Following Him is not easy that is why we need Him. It hurts. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually it hurts. But in the end…..it is worth it.
Love, Hate and Disagreement
One thing I love, and wish people could do more of, is openly disagree in a civil fashion. Whenever I get into a discussion or debate with someone on a blog or in person I never enter in with the belief that something I will say is going to magically sway them from their side to mine. That is not a healthy way to view discussion because if your goal is to sway them then you will wind up being very frustrated.
I have seen this occur in my blog reading and commenting time and time again. An author will post their views and then anyone who opposes them gets trashed and demeaned. That is not good. I believe that every person has room to be wrong and that every person is at least partly wrong in their positions. Why? Because everyone is imperfect. Opinions are not facts and are not based on facts. Sure someone will quote facts but what they are really spouting is their interpretation of the facts. Everyone should recognize that they have some room to be corrected and grow and be stretched and at the very least take an opposing view and chew on it.
Sometimes bloggers have really healthy interaction with their commenters and when they do it is beautiful. As a church staff person I have always wondered what it would be like to work in a environment where sharing differences on non-essential theology and methodology was not only allowed but encouraged. Too many times I have seen senior pastors either force their staff to agree with them or push them out when their was disagreement. Worse yet I have seen senior pastors completely avoid issues so that they will not get into a deep discussion.
Now don’t get me wrong a public disagreement between staff can be divisive…… but maybe…… what if we modeled it in a Christian way?
What if instead of shutting down or fighting we sought to understand the other side through a different perspective. Not agreeing with the other side but trying to understand the path that got them there so that we can understand the foundation before we judge the conclusion. And all the while we are not bashing or trashing people because they don’t think like us.
And do not misunderstand me to be saying truth is relative and that what one person believes is ok for them and not for me and we just need to accept. Believe me I believe what I believe and if I think you are wrong I think you are wrong but I want to know why you have arrived at the belief that directly opposes mine. I do not want to write you off.
Now consider the impact. I minister in a community with a very diverse group people and pastors. I have church members and other pastors in the community that are Republicans and I have church members and other pastors in the same community that are Democrats. Now we all know how confrontational these two sides can get. But can we say that as Christians we handle our differences any different? One church uses traditional music and one church uses modern “rock” worship and the leaders post blogs essentially damning the other church’s actions. I could go on and on with examples. No wonder people act with such selfishness an hate when the ones who are to love do not model love.
Maybe if we could begin to see where our opposition was right we could work towards a understanding of how to work through and around what we are doing wrong.
Stirring Up Trouble
We use KNOWN curriculum from Lifeway resources for our Sunday and Wednesday youth group. I always adapt the concept and points of the Midweek lesson to make my own lesson and yet stay on point. I did that this week and it went real well so I thought I would post my outline. Essentially I only used the “5 types” portion from the KNOWN material the rest is my own.
Our Lesson at COLLIDE Youth Worship From May 4 2011
Stirring Up Trouble
I. Daily Drama Everywhere
Adam and Eve – Adam: “It was her and You gave her to me God” can you imagine the conversation after God left? The only two people on the planet and Adam just threw Eve under the bus.
Jesus Dealt With It-Pharisees ALL up in His grill
-Mark 2:1-12 called blasphemous
-Lk 5:29-32 caught eating with outcasts
-Mt 9:14-17 Criticized for not fasting
-Mt 12:1-8 Caught picking grain on the sabbath
Lk 6:6-11 Caught healing on the sabbath
-Mt 19:3-9 Confronted about divorce
I Deal With It
Youth/Parents- C’mon as a Youth Pastor I can’t get away from drama
Church Members- Ever been to a church? No shortage of drama
Family- I have three children and two daughters. If I hear “DADDY SHE HIT ME” one more time
Random People- You know that lady in the grocery store that always cuts you off when you are trying to reach the mac and cheese? Well I do!
You Deal With It
At School- You know who I am talking about and if you don’t….It’s you
At Home- If you are not the youngest child let’s face it you are your parents experiment and they just hope they don’t screw up. Boys when you hit puberty your momma stopped knowing how to handle you. Girls when you hit puberty your daddy bought a new gun. Nuff said
At Play- Been to the mall lately? DRAMA
At Work- Wait who am I kidding? But if you do work Lord knows that there is always someone who’s grandma has died 16 times and is always claiming they got hurt on the job
II. 5 Types of Drama Mamas (Boy’s can be Drama Mama’s too. If you “give birth” to drama you is the mama)
1. The Angry Mama Prov 15:18- That person who is mad about everything they are even mad they are mad and single out anyone they can be mad at
2.The Troublemakin’ mama Prov 16:28- This person loves chaos and conflict. They just love to stir the pot and sit back and relax. Another type wants attention so bad they are always getting into trouble.
3. The Mockin’Mama Prov 22:10- Always making fun of people and things
4. The Gossip Mama Prov 26:20- They love your dirt…..mhmmm girl done gone told on ya
5. The Greedy Mama Prov 28:25- They want what they want and they do whatever they have to to get it
III. How to deal with and how not to be the Drama Mama
1. Focus Col 3:2- Set your mind on things above
2. Remember Matt 5:9- The peacemakers get the blessings…let it go and make peace
3. Be Biblical Matt 18- If you can’t avoid the drama follow the path the Bible lays out to deal with a troublemaker
Deal with the Problem!
I subscribe to a number of blogs including the SBC Voices blog. Every now and then there will be a post that catches my eye and I decide to respond. That happened today and I wanted to share with you readers and get your thoughts. The blog can be found here and this is what I wrote in response:
Let me first say I appreciate what you are saying and you make a very good point. However, as is typical with the popular current trend of finger pointing and criticism, it seems that you have fallen into the trap of getting worked up over someone taking something that was already being done and just doing it bigger and gaining more attention for it than any of the other churches and pastors that have done it before.
This holds true for theology as well as methodology.
How many preachers water down the gospel? We don’t call them out by name but if one becomes successful and writes a book that becomes popular suddenly we jump all over it forgetting the fact that there have been far more preachers doing far more harm preaching the same message for much longer than our current target has been around.
We want to call out bribes? Why? Because suddenly there is a church that is giving big items and grabbing headlines. But what about the previous decades when the church has offered ANYTHING free in order to entice the community to be involved with their programs? That would include youth Pizza parties, Easter egg Hunts, Trunk or Treat, Fall Festival, Sports Leagues, and the list goes on. Where were the bloggers on the soapbox then? In my mind there is NO difference. Free stuff is free stuff no matter how you spin it. These churches just realize that they need to offer stuff people actually WANT. And, do not misunderstand I am not saying it is right or wrong. That is not my point. My point is simple, Where were the bloggers on the soapbox then?
You see the roots of whatever we are criticizing usually go deeper than we like to admit and we get our feathers ruffled when someone takes it further than we would like. Sometimes I wonder, not saying this is the case with you at all by the way, if we try to poke holes because we are jealous in some way. Jealous that we did not have the idea, jealous that we are not privy to the same attention, jealous that we cannot afford to do the same, or even jealous that we did not have the faith to make a similar bold leap.
Ultimately we have to start with the underlying problem rather than dealing with than trying to treat the outcome. If I have a rash that itches and I only deal with it by applying anti-itch cream when it flares up but don’t deal with what is causing the rash then I am really only covering up the problem and not dealing with it directly. Sometimes dealing with it directly hurts and is uncomfortable but until it is addressed it will not go away.
I really feel passionate about this. I grow weary of all the finger pointing and name calling and criticism when there is so much more to be dealt with beneath the surface that no one seems to care about.
UPDATE- Allow me to clarify that I am not accusing this author of finger pointing rather I am referring to a string of bloggers and authors that call out popular pastors of big churches out by name because of their actions without looking critically (in a good sense of the word) at what might have possibly led to the causes of their actions.
